Couples therapy can be a powerful tool for improving connection, communication, and trust. Couples seek therapy for many reasons. Some are navigating ongoing conflict or frequent arguments. Others feel emotionally distant, stuck in repeating patterns, or unsure whether to stay together. Life transitions, parenting stress, infidelity, or difficulty communicating needs can also bring couples into therapy.

While there are many reasons to start couples therapy, one of the most common questions is: How do we know if it’s actually working?

There are some clear signs when couples therapy is not effective. One major indicator is when one partner shuts down during sessions and isn’t open to the therapy process. This may look like very little talking, minimal engagement, or emotional withdrawal. Therapy also struggles to move forward when a partner regularly misses sessions or shows up inconsistently.

Another sign therapy isn’t working is refusal to acknowledge responsibility. If one partner consistently blames the other and shows little interest in listening or reflecting- both in and out of session, progress becomes limited. Couples therapy cannot succeed if it becomes a space to build a case against one partner rather than a place for shared understanding.

Sometimes a partner may attend sessions but emotionally check out. This can look like “performing” in therapy—saying the right things in front of the therapist while repeating the same harmful patterns at home. When there is no follow-through outside of sessions, therapy often stalls.

It’s also important to name a hard reality: you cannot force someone into couples therapy to fix a relationship. Therapy only works when both people are willing participants. If one partner attends solely to appease the other or prove they are “right,” couples therapy rarely leads to meaningful change.

So how do you know when couples therapy is working?

One strong sign is shared intention. Even if you don’t agree on everything, you feel aligned on why you’re there and what you want to improve. Both partners show up consistently and engage actively in sessions. There is curiosity and neutrality instead of defensiveness. Both partners show an openness to listening, even when conversations are uncomfortable.

When couples therapy is working, conversations don’t stop when the session ends. Many couples spend time before and after sessions reflecting on what came up. They talk about what felt hard, what resonated, and what they want to try differently. This shared processing helps therapy move from insight into real-life change.

Another key sign of progress is participation outside of sessions. Both partners practice communication tools, boundaries, or emotional regulation skills together. Effort is mutual. Change may feel slow, but it feels collaborative.

Couples counseling isn’t about assigning blame or “fixing” one person. It’s about understanding patterns, strengthening connection through listening instead of control and ego, and learning how to show up differently. When both partners are willing to engage honestly and consistently, therapy becomes a space for real growth.

If you’re considering couples therapy, paying attention to these signs can help you decide whether the process is supporting the relationship—or whether something needs to shift. Book a consultation at Holistic Psychotherapy with Jenna to see if it might be the right step for your relationship.